Okay, okay, I’m listening…
I don’t particularly want to, but I think it’s time—we need to talk about the deranged being known as Miss Monster on The Masked Singer season 3. At first, the “innocent” “disguise” might’ve conjured up a stuffed animal from your childhood, with her lush lips, single cyclops eye (dear god, why??), and blue polka-dot bow. But the second she opened her mouth to belt the lyrics of “Something to Talk About,” by Bonnie Raitt, fans knew she was more than just a “darlin’” cutie. With her bold stage presence and strong vocals, it’s clear Miss Monster is no stranger to performing. Dare I say, could we have a true legend in our midst?
Let’s add to the canon of popular Masked Singer theories on the internet and take a closer look at Miss Monster’s clue packages from episodes 1 and 2. Episode 1 reveals she (a) has great hair, (b) bears a connection with the number 10, and (c) loves the man, the myth, the legend, the winner of season 1: T-Pain.
In episode 2, we see her (a) drawing a butterfly, (b) recreating the scene in Titanic where Jack draws Rose on the couch, and (c) stating that she was “most likely to be in the presence of royalty,” after her performance of “Fancy,” by Bobby Gentry.
Hmm, berry interesting. Here are the most
hopeful optimistic delusional predictions about Miss Monster’s true identity:
Fans are completely convinced Chaka Khan is Miss Monster, and I have to say, I’m not mad at this idea. Think about it: In Miss Monster’s first set of clues, she says, “Will you still love me without knowing my name?” Might this be a reference to her 2007 song “Will You Love Me?” Oh, and that butterfly drawing could totally allude to another song, “Papillon,” which is the French word for “butterfly.”
P.S. The royalty reference might have something to do with the fact that Chaka and Prince performed the song “Baby, I Love You” together in 1998—not to mention, she’s known as the *Queen* of Funk.
P.P.S. Remember Miss Monster’s connection to the number 10? Well, hello, Chaka Khan is a—wait for it—10-time Grammy award winner.
Sure, Tina Turner is 80 years old and who in their right mind would want to spend retirement underneath that fuzzy monstrosity, but Age! Is! Just! A number! With a voice like Tina’s, there’s no doubt she still has the power and the range to slay the Masked Singer stage—and fanatics on Twitter seem to agree.
The number 10 could signify the years since Tina retired from live performances, just sayin’. Personally, my hunch is that thirsty Masked Singer producers planted this theory, but who the heck knows!
This theory originated with one of the show’s judges. On episode 2, Ken Jeong guessed Miss Monster was Celine Dion (lol, um, no), while Robin Thicke predicted Priscilla Presley is hiding under that furry costume (more realistic but also…no) and Jenny McCarthy, bless her heart, threw Mary Wilson’s (oh, ya know, a founding member of the dang Supremes) name into the ring.
Miss Monster does mention her humble beginnings, and, fine, Mary grew up in a housing project in Detroit. Her status as the longest member of the Supremes does make her royalty, and the group did sing for the royal family in the late 1960s.
Now we just need T-Pain (?!) to confirm or deny….
This article was originally published for Cosmopolitan Magazine. Check it out!